The Fight – Fighting to hold on and fighting to let go. I’m learning.

Fighting, always fighting, fighting the addiction, the cravings, that pressing urge to go and do the devils drug (so it’s called).

Fighting the need to be wanted, the wanting to be held, the desire to be loved.

In fighting to find myself in these things, I only lost more of myself; a lot of myself. In fact; in retrospect I was losing pieces of myself before ever finding the ones that I was already missing.

I’m still struggling to fight these demons, they are my own; I can blame them on whoever I want, in fact I used to. I blamed everything and everybody, any excuse that I could find; I used. I’m finally learning that I have nobody to blame but myself.

Through this blog you can follow me on my journey. As much of is as I can remember anyways.

I’m going to start at the beginning and with an enlightened (and still learning about enlightenment) mind, I will talk about the moments that stick out the most in my mind. They might not be in order of when they happened (I probably have drugs to thank for that), but all of the moments that I revisit here were beneficial to my journey, and I hope will also be beneficial to you. Whoever you are.